Thoughts From the Road... So Far
I’m sitting here in Greenwood, Indiana, at my dad’s house having coffee. I’m only on day 3 of 8 days, but the older I get, the sooner the mixed feelings come. I hated leaving the house the other day, and although I’m getting used to the drive from Colorado to Indiana or Tennessee, it never is going to get less boring. I’ve gotten caught up on podcasts, listened to music, talked to friends and drove through hurricane season in Kansas.
What really has tripped me up the most is the humidity. Yes, in the ways you think that it would, but the way the air feels here ushers in a multitude of memories for me. As the years go on and the events of the past get further away in the rearview mirror, the memories of those events become more awkward. I’ve changed, my life has changed and so the contrast is greater than it’s ever been.
Historically, I’ve tried to see as many people as I could and keep relationships going. I learned that most people didn’t care about those relationships as much as I did and no matter how far I traveled, or how much I was willing to go out of my way, people didn’t make much of an effort to see me. This year, not really intentionally, just because of life, I waited until the last minute and it’s worked out pretty well.
First, I had lunch with my old friend and roommate, Aaron. Aaron and I had last seen each other a few years ago when he was in Colorado Springs for work, and I drove the 90 minutes each way to go see him. He came 1500 miles, I could come 90. He had to get back to work, so we didn’t get as much time together as we would have liked, but the more important part was that we did it. We’ve been friends for over 20 years and although we don’t talk as often as we used to (who does?), the dynamic of our friendship hasn’t changed. In some ways we’re a lot alike, and in some ways we’re vastly different, but we’ve always accepted each other for who we are. No judgments. The older I get, the more I learn how incredibly rare that is.
Last night, I had dinner with my friends Chris and Megan. Megan and I go back to our sophomore year of high school. Again, it was just dinner, 90 minutes maybe, but what a wise investment of my time. It was mostly playing catch-up, but it wasn’t about what was said, it was about being together. It was just good to be with them. I don’t know how I would have made it through high school without Megan and her dad, Kevin. Their home was a refuge for me, they loved me like family and I’ve always returned that familial love. We went through our turbulent teen years together and I never doubted for a second that she had my back. No judgments. The older I get, the more I learn how incredibly rare that is.
I’m looking forward to seeing a few more folks I love and then getting home to the two I love the most.
As I still try and navigate my way out of this season of my life, the time to reflect has been helpful. It’s hard to tell sometimes when clarity is creeping in, but I can say I am working my way towards some peace. A few other highlights include Joe Rogan’s interview with Mark Laita from Soft White Underbelly and some podcasts with Nick Cave. Especially when he said it was key for him to “live outside people’s expectations”. I need learn how to do that better. I need to be secure in and take comfort from these unconditional relationships I have and not worry so much about being ostracized or abandoned. I need to worry less about making mistakes and worry more about not taking chances.
That’s all for now, til next time.
Jeremy