25 Songs That Suck – July 2023 Edition
Before I begin, if you read this page regularly, you know I love music and I take it seriously. However, you can’t be serious all the time. So, while I genuinely don’t like these songs, this list is not meant to be taken seriously. I’m not saying (all) these people aren’t talented or whatever. Everyone on this list is more successful than me, there are some legends here, but even legends are human. Yes, even Macca’s poo stinks. Let’s all just have a laugh.
There are terrible songs by terrible bands, but they’re too numerous to mention. There’s some great lists out there on the interwebs, but a lot I disagree with too. Here’s my 25 that I just pulled out of my ass.
1. Having a Wonderful Christmas Time – Paul McCartney
Remember the rumors that “Paul is dead”? Well, if he had been, he wouldn’t have written this complete piece of crap.
2. All-Star – Smash Mouth
I’m all for making money, license away, but when you license to everyone, don’t be surprised when people get sick of you. “Walking on the Sun” was okay, but this one is just annoying.
3. Yellow Submarine – The Beatles
This is what happens when you do too much LSD and people treat you like gods.
4. Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Cyrus
Should have gone out of style with the mullet.
5. Breakfast at Tiffany’s – Deep Blue Something
I can feel my T levels drop just typing the name of this song. White Knights, activate!!!
6. Shiny Happy People – R.E.M.
R.E.M. even hates this song.
7. I Wanna Sex U Up – Color Me Badd
They couldn’t be bothered to finish typing out “You” but they put an extra “D” in Bad. No need to go any further than that.
8. I Shot the Sheriff – Eric Clapton
I love Clapton, but I’m not too fond of the original here and he somehow made it worse.
9. My Ding-a-Ling – Chuck Berry
This stopped being funny when I turned 10.
10. Accidental Racist – Brad Paisley & LL Cool J
This just in, rich white guy in bedazzled $1000 jeans and a $500 hat teams up with black guy to prove he’s not racist. The attempt to resuscitate two dead careers fails.
11. Seasons in the Sun – Terry Jacks
People did a lot of drugs in the 60’s, that’s the only reason I can come up with to explain why someone released this record.
12. Let it Go – From Frozen
Every parent hates this song. My daughter aged out of it years ago but the wounds are still fresh.
13. Flagpolesitta – Harvey Danger
If you were too dorky for punk, you listened to pop punk. If you were too dorky for pop punk, you listened to ska. If you were too dorky for ska, you listened to Harvey Danger.
14. Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews Band
I don’t like Dave Matthews, but the number of times in the 90’s I had to watch a girl give a guy goo-goo eyes over a song about stalking takes this tune to another level. It’s Gen X’s version of “Every Breath You Take”.
15. S.E.X. – Nickelback
I don’t like Nickelback, but I typically think the hate is unfair. Except this song, this song deserves all the hate you can muster.
16. Moves Like Jagger – Maroon 5
Adam Levine is a decent singer and a decent-looking man. But he is famous because he’s a rich Los Angeles kid. The dude has never written a likable song and this might be the most annoying. Boring and the beginning of the over-use of auto-tune.
17. Shake it Off – Taylor Swift
She’s talented, please don’t kill me Swifties, but Taylor can neither write lyrics nor can she obviously pick people to work with who can write lyrics. At least Madonna surrounded herself with talented people even if she took them for granted because she’s an evil, narcissistic you-know-what.
18. Any Song You Can Think Of – Ed Sheeran
If you’re thinking, “I’ve never heard of that one”, it’s because I’m being literal… like, seriously, pick any song by Ed Sheeran and put it here.
19. Friday – Rebecca Black
I’m running out of ways to be funny without being overly-mean. This song is just awful.
20. Get Lucky – Kendrick Lamar
Kendrick is super talented. But everything about this song is cringe. There’s a lot of cringey songs out there, this one’s no better or worse, but it just happened to be the one I thought of.
21. Pretty Fly (for a White Guy) – The Offspring
I should have stopped listening after Ixnay on the Hombre.
22. Get What You Give – New Radicals
I know a lot of people who love this song, but I must not have taken the right drugs. Saccharine positivity that just reeks of the people with the fake smiles that I just want to punch off their faces.
23. Mambo No. 5 – Lou Bega
He seems like a nice enough guy, I just wish he would’ve been an accountant or something.
24. Must Be the Money – Deion Sanders
He’s a big deal around these parts these days (I don’t care, I went to the University of Denver) but he’s the 2nd greatest two sport athlete of all-time (I never saw Jim Thorpe) behind Bo Jackson and he’s like the 42,459th greatest rapper of all-time.
25. Dear Mama – Tupac
It’s nice he loves his mom, but he’s still a convicted rapist, so spare me the pro-woman crap.