Be Careful What You Say About Johnny Cash

I would like to say this story is fiction, but it’s not even exaggerated. Gideon and I remain friends to this day.

There was a brief period of time in early 2003 that I practically lived at The Red Lion in Eagle Rock. I had always liked the place, good hearty German food with attractive waitresses dressed like they were working in a pub in Bavaria rather than Los Angeles. A lot of them even had the accent to go with it, which is kind of sexy in that cold, high school teacher sort of way. However, what brought me back there almost every Friday and Saturday night was Olivia.

I'd met Olivia when she was my bartender in the upstairs bar. I must have drank six beers and she didn't charge me, so I simply tipped her $20 and left (I would have tipped more but I was broke). She was very attractive and I had just drunk all those beers so I hesitated to ask her out, but I vowed to return. Every time I came back, I drank for free and tipped her $20 or more. I eventually worked up the nerve to ask her out but she said she had a boyfriend. However, she thought I was cute and she liked giving me free drinks. She would also give my friends free drinks and that is how Gideon, Stephen and I ended up there one Monday night.

Gideon and Stephen were good friends of mine who lived in Hollywood. They had grown up together in Alaska and moved down here together. Gideon and I were a lot closer but we often went out as a group and we decided to go out on a Monday night and see Olivia. Since they had to come to my side of town, they picked me up at my apartment in Boyle Heights.

The night began as normal, except for the fact that I was in this weird phase of slapping Gideon in the face. As friends, we liked to give each other a hard time and while in retrospect I know I was being an asshole, it was meant to be done in good fun and I never hit him hard at all. So this continued on this particular Monday night as we drank beer in the upstairs bar and talked to Olivia and amongst ourselves.

We must have been there a couple of hours. Since my beers were free there was no reason to count them and I wasn't driving, so I allowed myself to get drunk. As usually happens when three guys drink, our conversation got more animated, louder and more off color. 

I don't even remember how we got on the topic but all of a sudden Gideon says, “Johnny Cash is a pussy.”

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“I said, 'Johnny Cash is a fucking pussy'” he said as he smiled arrogantly back at me.

I didn't think. I just slapped the shit out of his face. Hard. I didn't mean to hit him hard so I was immediately filled with remorse. 

“Damn it Gideon, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you that hard, I really didn't. Here, I'll let you slap me back,” I said as I closed my eyes and turned my face away from him to prepare for the blow.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Go for it,” I replied.

And with that he hit me, almost knocking me off the barstool. It was obvious he had used his fist and not an open hand. 

“What the fuck? I slapped you and you punched me? How the fuck is that fair?”

“I asked you if you were ready and I held my fist up.”

“You know damn well I had my eyes closed you piece of shit.”

Hearing the ruckus, Olivia came over and got us all to calm down. Beautiful women and free beer can make a man do just about anything. We pretty quickly decided to call it a night. We tipped Olivia and headed to Stephen's car together. They dropped me off, we shook hands and that was it.

The next morning I was hung-over as hell. I also had a little bit of a sore jaw and I was late to work thanks to the hangover. The three of us remained good friends but I didn't return to The Red Lion for more than 10 years.