An Afternoon at the Ocean Breeze Motel

A mostly true anecdote from 2012. Names changed to protect the guilty.

It was early September and Tim and I found ourselves in Monterey running around on just a few hours sleep.  The reason for that is best told another time, but suffice it to say, it was a long night and we were more than ready to leave the aquarium and find a burger and a beer.

We found a good place to eat right off of Cannery Row and sat down.  I am not much of a beer drinker, but they had a couple beers I liked and I ordered one.  The server informed me they were out.  I ordered my second choice and again they were out.  I settled for one out of sheer determination to not let my fatigue and piss poor mood cause me to strangle this fucking server until his head popped off. 

Tim was tired as well and although neither one of us are pleasant to be around when tired or hungry, he'd been in mostly a poor mood since we left Los Angeles the night before.  In spite of this, after almost a quarter century of friendship we managed to withstand each other with relative ease and we were currently on a much needed soul searching trip for the both of us. 

During lunch, the topic of where to spend the night was discussed.  We were invited to see some friends of his down in Morro Bay later that night and there wasn't much else to do in Monterey but we were so tired we couldn't fathom another six hours driving down Highway 1.  We decided to get a cheap room, take a nap and shower and then discuss how we felt about heading south later that afternoon.  It was my turn to buy so I grabbed my Hotels.com app on my phone and found the cheapest room I could: $139 a night for The Ocean Breeze Motel.  Two Stars.  I figured that rating was inflated.

When our bellies were swollen with beef and sweet potato fries and we had two pints of beer for our livers to process, we headed to The Ocean Breeze Motel and when we pulled up and surveyed the place, I wondered if they had a special room for the hookers because this looked like a rent-by-the-hour kind of place.  I was just waiting for a Mercedes to pull up with some business man and his secretary or a housewife and her personal trainer, headed in for an afternoon tryst.

I walked in ahead of Tim and we must have looked like shit.  A full day on the road, no shower, I hadn't shaved in days, little sleep.  An old Chinese woman was behind the counter and I greeted her.  She barely spoke English.  I took a deep breath. 

Excuse me ma'am, I just booked a room through Hotels.com and I know it's early, but is there any chance we can check in early?  We drove all night, we're exhausted and a nap and a shower would be wonderful. 

She gave us both the evil eye, like two men checking into a cheap motel in the middle of a Saturday afternoon are up to no good.  I think she was sizing up whether we were going to set up a meth lab or have deviant gay sex.  However, she understood well enough to hand over a room key and then eye us all the way out the door as she muttered something in what I believe to be Mandarin.

Fortunately there was a maid nearby because the lock was broken.  We couldn't have gotten in without her.  We knew it was a single bed because that's all we could find in all of Monterey but staring at us was a Full, not even a Queen.  Fuck it we said, it's not the first time we've shared a bed and it probably won't be the last.  Tim laid down and immediately went to sleep as I took a shower and washed off the grime in a bathroom that probably had more diseases than a Pakistani prison. 

When I dried off, I got dressed and laid down next to Tim and fell asleep for what was probably 45 minutes to an hour.  When I awoke, he was outside on his phone smoking a cigarette.  When he came back inside I asked him what he wanted to do.

Get the fuck out of here, that's what I want to do.

Agreed, let's get our shit.  Let's find a Target, buy sleeping bags and sleep on the beach at Morro Bay tonight.

Sounds good to me.

I walked back in the office alone to turn in the key and check out.  This time, this old Chinese lady just knew we had fucked.  I could see it in her eyes.  The judgment, the I-know-you-two-faggots-just-had-gay-sex-in-my-hotel look.  Being Chinese, she probably didn't believe in Hell, but she was thinking if there was one, these two sodomites where headed there fast.  I nervously asked her if we were square and she nodded her head but did so with a direction towards the door.  I got her point and almost jogged out the door.

Tim was on his phone and smoking... again.

Dude, she thinks we just checked into her motel to fuck and she's none too pleases about it.

With a small chuckle he said, really?

Not the first time someone's thought that about us I suppose.  Probably won't be the last brother.

Nope. 

Just for the record, if we were gay, or I should say if you were gay, you'd be the catcher.  You're only gay if you receive, prison rules.

Yeah I don't think so, I think it'd be the opposite.

We grabbed our things, loaded his car and found a Target to get camping supplies.  We drove down Highway 1, stopped to piss where there was a No Trespassing sign and got busted by the Border Patrol (apparently they were looking for a boat load of bad dudes) then made it down to Morro Bay where we got a camp site and after the park ranger left, we snuck down to the beach with our sleeping bags and slept on the sand and fell asleep to the gentle sounds of the Pacific beating on the shore.  I had intended to stay up and talk about important things and drink most of the pint of Knob Creek I had brought but the long journey of the night before and the lack of sleep combined with clear skies filled with stars and the sound of the ocean was too much for me and I drifted off to the best night of sleep I have ever had in my life.